First Date Tips and Tricks

The first date: what to wear, where to go, what to say, what to do and what not to do. All this pressure to make a good first impression can be daunting. After all, you know practically nothing about each other and the whole point of a first date is to judge (as much as we don't like to admit it) whether or not we think we'd like to get to know each other better. But first dates don't have to be elaborate or fancy in order for you to secure that coveted second or third date. There are some things you will want to do and others you will want to avoid on a first date to ensure its success and the possibility of future dates as well.

When it comes to dating, it seems everyone thinks they're the expert to turn to for advice. Whether it's your friends or your lovable aunts who constantly inquire about your love life, everyone has a dating tip for you. But we all know what to do on a date, don't we? Always have a smile, listen attentively, be yourself, have fun, and the list goes on. So, if everyone knows the tips for successful dating, then why do we go through so much trouble and anxiety about first dates? Maybe it's because there is no set standard of rules anymore.

Once upon a time, chivalry was the norm. Nowadays, some women get offended when the door is held open or their seat is pulled out for them. Consequently, many single people are at a loss when it comes to knowing what to do and when to do it. And while there may not be an ultimate list of shoulds and should nots, there are still some common dating tips that everyone can agree on.

• It is important to be attentive to your date and this includes listening to what they are saying (and maybe throwing in a question or two) and maintaining eye contact when in a conversation.
• There is nothing worse than meeting your date and not knowing what you're going to do. If you have something planned ahead of time, it shows you put some thought into it.
• If you go out for dinner, why not split the bill? Sure, you were invited out and your date is expected to pay but offer anyway. And if your date picks up the tab, offer to pay the next time. - By all means, call your date if you say you're going to call! If you didn't have a good time then be courteous, and don't promise to get in touch when you really have no intention of doing so.
• Be polite; turn off your cell phone and stop the wandering eyes. There is nothing ruder than taking a casual call from a friend or ogling the waitress at the next table while your date is attempting to hold your attention.
• While talking about past relationships almost always comes up in conversation, don't start telling your date every last detail; they are not your therapist!
• And believe me, chivalry is not dead; women do appreciate it, just don't overdo it boys.

In this world of women's independence, many are taking it upon themselves to ask the man out. And why not?! It shows confidence and is a turn-on for many men. Keep in mind though, confidence is sexy, arrogance is a turn off.

Many people will have a different answer when you ask them their opinion on whether or not a kiss is acceptable on the first date. Maybe all you want to do is hold hands or snuggle and save the kiss for another date. It all depends on the chemistry between you and whether or not it feels right. And if it does, then go for it. Of course, if the date isn't going well, feel free to end the date early with everyone's favorite backup "emergency" phone call from a friend. Chances are if you're not having a good time, neither is your date!

Hopefully, this has broadened your outlook on the world of "first dates". The whole point of a first date is to figure out if you want to get to know the person better. Remember, when it comes to dating and tips, just follow your instinct and no matter the outcome, have fun, enjoy yourself, and relax.

Dating Essentials: Making Eye Contact

Here is a fact, people don't make eye contact. They should and they do look at each other, but they look away when the other person looks back. Look at the commuters on a subway platform or in a subway carriage. They look at anything except each other. They use devices such as ads and books and papers so that they don't look at each other. Why? Because when we look at each other and make eye contact something very personal happens. It is as if we can see inside each other and see what they are thinking. It is the opening to a conversation. Looking at strangers is a personal introduction.

Good, I am glad we have that out of the way. Because if we accept that we need to look at strangers to introduce ourselves, why then do we find ourselves not able to look people we find attractive in the eye? Well the answer may lie in the fact that we are scared when looking that we will instantly see disapproval for our glances and will be rejected. Being rejected affects our self-confidence levels so by not looking we protect ourselves.

We can glance from afar, even stare and appreciate, as long as they are not looking back. We can check out legs, hair, breasts, chest, ass, anything we can see, but we will then store that image instantly so that we can appreciate without getting caught. The instant the look back, we look away, and allow any form of appreciation in return. This leads to the glancing and return-glances scenario that forms the basic ritual of demonstrating interest.

Usually, one person , let's say in a bar, sees someone they like and will check them out. Eye contact is made for the briefest instant and is followed by looking away. Glances will be made in either direction until eventually, if the feeling in both parties is mutual, the gaze will be held longer and this is then followed by a courtesy smile. Now, at this stage, approval being made via eye contact, it is time to do something about it. But in most cases, nothing happens. Why? Because the fear factor sets in and the man (usually the man) is put off by making a proper approach because she is in a group. A confident man will return the gaze and then move in.

The problem arises, that a man believes he has mistaken the glances and eye contact as accidental and will make mental excuses for this and then not make an approach. And the moment is lost. She may look at you once again as she moves on to another destination with friends. But unless you meet again in different circumstances you have lost because you showed yourself as having no wish to move in. Consequently you come across as a timid person. Fail.

So, men and women need to start knowing how to look at others and then know how to interpret eye contact correctly. First of all you need to begin by looking people in the eye and get used to it. Its no good looking oat the ground and then follow up with sly glances when they are not looking. Look at people and learn to smile at them. You may only be making new friends but who cares, get used to looking and being looked at. Being shy is not the way to a persons heart. Think of the expression "love at first sight" It's never going to happen if you don't get caught looking. As a man, should you look at a woman's breasts and get caught. Sure you should. Don't make it excessive, but if someone looks good, its nice to be appreciated, even if its just momentary and fleeting.

An old friend once told me that she found it difficult to look at men now she was single because an ex boyfriend had been so possessive that she had always looked at the ground when they were out. It took her years to learn to make eye contact with strangers again. So I can appreciate difficulties with eye contact. Shyness is another debilitating factor. Many of us are shy by degrees and making eye contact isn't always easy but we should start practicing. Many are the people who had admirers but never knew it, simply because they never looked.

Another strange phenomenon is the common anxiety in people that when people look at them, they think it is an aggressive stance, not a friendly introduction. Men are often accused at staring at each other followed by the aggressive opener "what are you looking at !" Men with low self-esteem can view women in a similar vein by thinking that if a woman is looking at them, there must be something wrong. Women can feel insecure in the same way by men making eye contact with them.

A very interesting scenario occurred in the summer of 1996 when I was in a bar in Manchester, England and a gay friend of mine could instantly tell me which of the barmen were gay. I wanted to know the secret. Well he said that if you meet a girl you like, you will hold her gaze for a second or two longer than if you were talking to a man. As gay men were looking at you in the same way you look at a woman, he said, then the gay barman will look at you in a similar way by holding your gaze. I have tried this many times since to prove his point and it really does appear to work. What we learn from this is that eye contact is the way to instant attraction indication.

Then of course we have the physiological aspects to eye contact. Pupil dilation and the following of the eyes. On a date which is going well watch the eyes of your date carefully. If she or he is attracted to you, their eyes will dilate (get bigger) and they will hold your gaze as long as possible. But in the instant attraction scenario with a stranger across a crowded room, remember that the quick occasional glances will indicate initial interest so act upon it.

In summary, get used to looking at people and make deliberate eye contact with people you like. Try it in a shop, store or anywhere where you meet strangers. Try and hold the gaze of someone with a nice smile and watch the reaction. You will be surprised. I keep coming back to the same key ingredient in dating. Confidence. Eye contact means confidence and the more you practise, the better you will get. Finally, always remember that not everyone you meet will be attracted to you, so expect some glances never to be returned. Making eye contact is fun.

Dating Foreign Women

Dating a foreign woman can be an exciting experience and different than what you are used to. There are differences in habits, cultural expectations, and tastes that can spice up your dating life. The many differences between cultures, however, can also cause at times some awkwardness and even tension. Here are a few tips to be aware of if you are going out to date with a woman from a foreign country.

Find a foreign date in the right environment. There are many dating agencies that even specialize in a certain ethnicity or nationality all over the Internet. Do a Web search and you might even be able to find some social events. If the Internet isn’t your thing, you might be better off finding some cultural events in your town or county and check them out.

Speak in the language of love, meaning use eye contact. Love is best spoken through our eyes, no matter what language barriers exist. If you use your eyes when communicating with her you will seem confident and interested in her without having to speak her native language.

Keep conversations balance between culture and personal talks. You don’t want to change the date into a cultural exchange program but on the other hand you don’t want to seem ignorant. Conversations will naturally be about the differences and similarities between your cultures, but try to also ask personal questions and talk to her about her likes and dislikes.

Have an open mind and be a bit liberal. Remember, you are also a foreigner in her eyes, so if you haven’t brushed up on her cultural etiquette before hand, then try to have an open mind when she gives you four cheek kisses when you first meet. You don’t want to come off as ignorant and wind up in a culture shock. However, the best way to cover up any awkward or tense moments is to just admit that it was a cultural misunderstanding.

Dating Foreign Men

Dating a foreign man can be an exciting experience and different than what you are used to. There are a number of differences in cultural relations and habits. Besides chemistry and love, there are many other factors and dynamics incorporated in a relationship with a foreign man. Remember, that you are also foreign in his eyes, so read on to be prepared if you are serious about dating a foreign man. Make sure that this is your choice to date a man from a foreign country and not an only option.

Research his culture. Find out as much as you can about the country and culture he comes from. You should be aware that things that are the norm in your culture might be considered as taboo in his. You can avoid misunderstandings and awkward moments but knowing what not to say or do before you go out on a date with him. Look at more sources than travel guides as some travel guides might give a negative view on the culture and of men.

Know a few words in his language. Even though he might speak fluent English, it’s a very nice gesture to pick up the basics in his language and try it out on him. Buy a phrase book and learn some sentences enough to impress him. If you really like him, it might be a good idea to invest money in some language software or search the Internet for online language courses.

Contact his embassy in your country. A nice way to get involved in cultural activities of his country is to contact his embassy or consulate and let them know you would like to gain cultural experience. Ask for volunteer opportunities and see if you can get involved in a local community.

Take a trip to his country. Take a trip to his country with a few friends or a group. Traveling will make you feel great and you will gain a lot of cultural experiences that you can share with your date.

Check out dating websites that specialize in foreign dating. There are many websites out there which specialize in dating foreigners. The Internet is a great tool making it more efficient to find a foreign date. Be aware of Internet dating scams though and report any suspicious activity.

Should You Check Your Partner’s Cell Phone?

Smartphones have become an extension of ourselves to the point that it has become a land mine in relationships, especially when it comes to checking a partner’s phone. Is it OK to read your partner’s text messages and check the previously-called numbers? The answer is no, even right in front of them. This sort of sleuthing is not about looking for whom your mate texted or called the last time, but a clear sign of distrust toward your romantic partner. Text messages can be misinterpreted pretty easily and reading these messages without knowing its context could actually lead to more problems. If you do find something worth being jealous about, it would start an argument; but if you find nothing, you should feel bad for not trusting your partner in the first place. But what if your mate is trying to avoid you as he or she calls or types a message? Just assume that he or she wants you to respect your partner’s privacy. There are other ways to check your suspicion whether your partner is cheating.

Tips For Dating a Friend

“Tips For Dating a Friend”

Interested in turning a friendship into a romantic relationship? Got a secret crush on your best friend? Here are 7 tips for dating a friend.

1) Be Prepared To Lose the Friendship

First of all, if you are considering dating
a friend, you should be prepared to lose the
friendship. I know I’ll probably be bashed by sappy
folks for saying this, but it’s just a harsh truth
based on all the cases I’ve seen as a dating
coach in the past ten years.

If your friend does not reciprocate your
feelings, he or she may “freak out” and pull back
from you.

Even if your friend does like you back and
you guys end up dating, the relationship may not last
forever. And when the breakup finally happens, it may
not be as amicable as you would hope.

2) Don’t Just Say It

If you like your friend, make sure you don’t
just “spill your beans” and reveal how you feel.
They may NOT feel the same way. Even if they did,
“telling” them would kill their interest level.
Instead of wearing your heart on your sleeve and
letting yourself blurt it out, just follow the tips
in this article and take things one step at a time.

3) Make Them See You Differently

Your first job is to stop bring predictable and make
them start seeing you differently? Why? Because they
probably think they know you very well and that there
is no reason to go from being “friends” to dating.
You gotta change that. Surprise them by showing more
sides to you. (They better be good things!) Make them
realize that there is a LOT more to you than what
meets the eye. You gotta make them intrigued by you,
or you’re going to be stuck as a friend forever.

4) Know When To Pull Back

This may feel counter-intuitive, but sometimes
you have to pull back before you can advance. If
you friend currently takes your presence in their
life for granted, then maybe it’s time to
disappear for a little while so that when you talk
again, you can do so from a clean slate.

5) Do Exciting Things and Act Like a Challenge

This goes with making your friend see you differently.
Do things that are “different”, unique, and exciting.
At the same time, stop being “nice” and start doing
things more on your own terms. Don’t just be a nice
“best guy friend” or “best girl friend”. Be independent,
exciting, and unique. Make them miss you and want
to hang out with you.

6) Flirt and Raise the Physical Attraction

Once you have your friend seeing you differently, ypu
should flirt, flirt, and flirt some more. I can’t
emphasize this enough. It is extremely important that
you start taking things to a more “physical level.”
When you’re dealing with a friend you’re known for
a long time, it usually takes a LOT of physical
chemistry to get them to start fantasizing about
being in a relationship with you. So go for a kiss
(or more) if you can!

6) Know How To Transit

How you handle the first kiss or make-out session
with be a make-or-break for your new relationship.
If you act weird or don’t know what to do, doubt
will creep in and your friend may start feeling
guilty about doing what they did with you since
you’re “just friends”. Don’t allow that to happen.
Prolong that “post-kiss” or “post-make-out”
afterglow for as long as possible by acting like
a lover. Cuddle and whisper sweet things into
your friend’s ears until it feels like you are
together already.

7) Keep the Interest Level High

The interest level may fluctuate for awhile
due to guilt and confusion. So make sure you
keep on flirting and acting like a challenge.
Otherwise, you’re going to hear the “Let’s
just be friends” request pretty soon!

First Date Mistakes Men Should Avoid

Men often suffer a disconnect between their mind and their mouths when it comes to first dates. I’ve already done an article on 5 Things Men Shouldn’t Say On a First Date, so I won’t repeat them. I will, however, stay on theme. In the last couple of months, I’ve had some ridiculous dating experiences – some which simply cannot go unmentioned. The men with whom I was conversing were highly educated and a bit on the wealthy side. I’m starting to think I’d be better off with an intellectually stunted poor man.

Five Big Mistakes:

* Talking about money ad nauseum. An Englishman I’d only just met went on and on and on and on about money throughout our conversation. Actually, it was more his conversation, but that’s a different mistake. I like money as much as the next person, but if I’m getting to know you, I’d rather hear about you.

* Talking so much, the only thing your date fantasizes about is you shutting up. I love a man who enjoys a good conversation – but, damn it, shut up once in awhile. It’s supposed to be a conversation, not a lecture. The last thing I want to do is sit there and be talked at. And if you’re talking that much, it’s a sign you don’t really give a toss about me, anyway – or you’d have asked my opinion of the many, many topics you’ve just spent the last three hours dominating.

* Talking about irrelevant people your date couldn’t care less about. On my last date, the man actually spent ½ of the time telling me stories about couples he knows – couples I have no interest in, as I’ve just met this man, and his mates are perfect strangers to me. Now, if it’s your best friend, or if you just want to tell me a story about ONE couple – hell, maybe even two – great, go ahead. But 5 or 6 couples? Get real!

* Asking the same question 50 times in hopes of getting an answer. Even if we’ve known each other for years, you’re going to annoy me if you keep asking a question I refuse to answer. If you’ve only just met me, you get two chances to learn how to change the topic – without trying to be sneaky and come back to it when you think I’m liquored-up enough. No one likes a nag!

* Running down the list of all the women you’ve been with. I know, it’s hard to imagine – but truly, women don’t want to hear about your previous conquests. If you feel compelled to mention one specifically, I suppose some women will tolerate it. But no one wants to hear about each chick you dated all the way back to the 9th grade, ok? Believe me, there are more.. I’ll get round to mentioning them in the future. For now, ladies, be glad you don’t date the men I get stuck dating! And men, don’t be one of these men